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stef4jesus
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Name: Stephanie
Country: United States
State: Illinois
Metro: Champaign-Urbana
Birthday: 7/27/1986
Gender: Female
Interests: Salsa dancing, thrift shopping, art, collaging, photography, world music, Christian Postmodernism (not that I'm necessarily a postmodernist, but I'm interested in what is happening w/ the church in America), North Korea, people, culture, foreign foods, Bollywood, traveling
Expertise: Cutting stuff out of magazines, being random, thinking non-stop, talking, and sitting.
Occupation: Student
Message: message meEmail: email me
Website: visit my website
AIM:  stef4jesus
Member Since:
1/10/2005
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| I haven't written in here forever, but I just had some thoughts I felt like writing out that weren't for any one person in particular. So, I thought I'd just write in my xanga. That's what it's for, right?
Four days ago, I got into a pretty bad car wreck which totaled my car and left me with some internal and external bruising. The pain really isn't that bad compared to what it could be (and prescription drugs definitely help) but it really sucks that my car is forever gone. Once I got over the emotional trauma of losing my most valuable material possession, I started thinking about how quickly and easily we can lose things in this life. It's funny how we work so hard just for a few hundred dollars, when it can all disappear just like that.
I started reading Job, from the recommendation of a couple friends, and this is the passage that really hit me tonight:
"'Naked I came from my mother's womb,
and naked I will depart.
The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away;
may the name of the LORD be praised.' In all this, Job did not sin by charging God with wrongdoing." I cannot say that my response was the same as Job's. Losing my car made me think about the loss that billions of people experience on this earth daily. People lose houses, friends, family, jobs, even dignity and freedom. It wasn't so much losing my car that made me angry, but at that moment when I felt like I could identify with the pain one experiences in loss, I cursed God for the messed up world He created.
To be honest, it's hard for me to truly believe in a good God with all my heart these days. In my four years at college, I've learned about domestic violence, human trafficking, hate crimes, gangs, poverty, malnutrition, oppression, slave labor, and the list goes on and on. Christianity is about having hope in Christ's return and final redemption of mankind...but sometimes I wonder if He really is going to come.
I know that I have not been righteous like Job, for I have charged God with wrongdoing. I am sorry for that, even though sometimes I really mean it.
I guess all I can do now is pray for faith, hope, and the Lord's mercy.
Lord, Jesus Christ, have mercy on me, a sinner.
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| So much for keeping my xanga updated...oh well! Back in the states now...what a good summer it was... | | |
| By Jared Lafitte, but I agree with every word.
Dear guys,
please
Don’t notice how I stand, notice how I stand for what I believe in
Don’t notice how I look, notice how I look to do things
Don’t notice my shape, notice WHO I’m shaping to be
Don’t imagine me naked, imagine me clothed in righteousness
Don’t notice my walk, notice my Walk
Don’t hold me like I’m yours, hold me like I’m Daddy’s little girl
Don’t try to love me for yourself, love me for God
Don’t expect me to trust your leadership if you won’t die for me
Don’t try to hold me if you don’t want the Father to hold both of us
Don’t look into my eyes unless you want to look into my soul
Don’t love me unless you know WHY you’re supposed to love me
Don’t ask me to be a woman if you can’t be a man
Don’t try to love me if you don’t know the Savior’s love
Don’t hold my hand unless you’re willing and able to hold my heart
Don’t try to find our Lord’s love in me, let’s find it together alongside each other
Don’t make how we worship our Lord a part of our love, make our LOVE a part of how we worship our Lord
Do love me, cherish me, honor me and be there for me… love me with all of your heart, and I will love you with all of my heart… as long as we both know WHY…
the end
Sincerely,
Jared B. Lafitte
(& Stephanie Lee) | | |
| Tonight was amazing.
Don't get too excited now, no long walks on the beach with Mr. Right for Stephanie, but this was even better.
Have you ever prayed for someone for years that you didn't even know? Have you ever prayed for a nation or people group that you had a burning passion for, even tho you had never even met a person from that nation? If you have, you know it sucks. It sucks to try and persevere in prayer for years for people that you weep for but have never met. At times you just want to throw in the towel and give up. You feel like an idiot when you pray for them, because you don't even know what you're praying and you don't feel like it's even making a difference. And sometimes you do quit. You try to forget about it. But you just can't. Because something in your heart makes it so you can't stop thinking about them. So you keep praying your clueless prayers...
Well tonight, I talked face to face with one of these very people I have prayed for namelessly since Freshman year! It was like meeting a celebrity. It was really chill and nonchalant, just sitting there chatting across a table...but halfway through the conversation it struck me..."Wow! I'm talking to someone I've been praying for for the past three years, this is incredible!"
He's an 18-year-old North Korean refugee. When he was five his father died, and shortly after his mother mysteriously disappeared. He then moved in with his grandmother until ten years later, he received a message saying that if he went to a certain location, he could see his mother. He listened to the message and was picked up by a smuggler and brought to South Korea where his mother had spent the last 10 years working to make enough money to bribe someone to smuggle over him and his sister. He now lives in Seoul, but his mother is sick and has no money because she spent it all on sending over her children, so he lives in a children's shelter. I've read and heard many stories like this from NK defectors, but hearing one face to face was an incredible experience. And to think I will be hearing many more.
I started volunteering at a Christian NK refugee school. It is an incredible school that is run by Christian volunteers in Seoul. I feel so priviledged to be a part of this. I'm glad God finally brought me here...this is a lot better than shopping and checking out Korean girls every day. They're getting really old, not even kidding. ;)
Please pray that God will really use this opportunity somehow for His glory.
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| Is it reasonable that I think I can lose 3 years of weight gainage in 3 months?
Whatever.
This morning I went running along this path that runs on either side of this river thingy. Well apparently, joggers/walkers are supposed to run on one side of the path and bikers on the other because this guy on a bike came up beside me and started yelling at me in Korean for like 5 solid minutes! It was really awkward cuz I had no idea what he was saying. I wanted to yell back at him in English, but I decided I shouldn't make a bad rap for Americans so I just looked at him with this really confused look on my face until he rode of going, "aich!" Hahaha. Oh Korea... | | |
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